Tuesday, July 17, 2012

No Shame

I am tired of being told that it is a shame that I can't work something out with Kyle after twelve years of friendship. The only shame on my part is believing that he had ever changed for the better and not getting myself and my son out of the situation sooner. I have turned my back on Kyle Pate 100%, and I am not the least bit ashamed in doing so.

I honestly believe at this point that the only reason Kyle wanted to get married was because I told him I was growing tired of my old ways and was feeling like I wanted to find someone and settle down. I think he couldn't stand the thought of me doing that with someone else and in turn him not getting as much of me as he was accustomed to. I also think the only reason he wanted to have a baby was to have ties to me forever, no matter what happened or what awful things he did.

When I told Kyle that I might be pregnant I was still looking for a job and had no money for a pregnancy test. I told him that I needed one, and he told me he "didn't have money for that shit." Immediately following the conversation he went to the store and returned with a 30 pack of beer and two packs of smokes. I took him with me on my family canoe trip because I wanted my family to have the opportunity to meet Stella's father, and I thought he would surely behave a thousand miles away from home while in front of my family on an awesome vacation opportunity. Before we were even halfway there, on the drive to Missouri, during one of his endless tantrums over nothing, he told me that he wished I would just have a miscarriage so he wouldn't have to feel like he had to be a part of it anymore. No miscarriage, but I can certainly grant the second part of his wish. After arriving in Missouri he threw a full-fledged tantrum in front of one of my family members, complete with his now common use of excessive physical force. When that family member spread the news of his behavior the rest of the family shunned him. He wisely chose to sit out on the following day at the river. He instead stayed at our cabins and drank all of the beer and wine that didn't belong to him. He made no attempts to apoligize to anyone. The family decided it was best for him to return home early on a bus by himself. It no longer even seemed safe for me to be alone with Kyle.

No matter how bad it got, everything was always my fault in Kyle's mind. According to him my smart mouth made him do the awful things that he did. I am very sarcastic, yes, and I have had this same smart mouth since the very first day he met me over twelve years ago. Aside from maturing, nothing about my personality or character has changed. Kyle never cared enough to take responsibility for any of his actions, to improve his behavior or character, or to emotionally or financially support a family. The only things that Kyle Pate cares about are bikes, getting wasted, and convincing people that he is somehow a victim. I have no sympathy for him anymore.

No comments:

Post a Comment